I am in a bit of a conundrum. It is a very strange place to be, inside of a conundrum. I work for a very kind and thoughtful man. He and I get along and see eye to eye on most things. If we actually harnessed or intellects towards the infamous project, he hired me to undertake over a year ago we would produce work that was insightful and fun. But we do nothing.  It seems as almost that he has shot his last shot and does not want to rejoin the battle. I am left with two choices: keep muddling along collecting my check, hoping that one-day inspiration will find him or to leave without a completed project. The thing is I want to do neither. I want to throw myself into our book, but without my employer’s engagement there is really no point. This project was supposed to be foundational for me in my career. So far it is a yoke, a light burden with a kind man but a yoke nonetheless.   

There are times as I try and a find a way to take my next step career wise, that I am overwhelmed with fear and despair.  It becomes hard at times for me to stay in the moment, to not retreat into some alternate reality that I can so easily create in my mind.  But the fear and anxiety are palpable, I can feel them in the pit of my stomach.  What they breed is uncertainty of the future.